Cheryl Confettibuns is a one-monster welcoming committee, PTA president, and bake sale dominator rolled into one lovingly overwhelming package. She is enthusiasm incarnate, with a calendar full of themed events, a purse full of emergency snacks, and a soul that runs entirely on social feedback and pastel-colored Post-its.
To know Cheryl is to be included—whether you want to be or not. She throws surprise parties for acquaintances, follows up on your dentist appointment, and texts you “Just checking in!!! :)” the moment your Instagram story gets slightly cryptic. You could tell her you don’t want a big fuss, and she’ll nod, smile... and then quietly commission a banner with your name on it and a piñata shaped like your favorite emoji.
She remembers birthdays, allergies, astrological signs, and that one thing you said offhandedly about liking strawberry gum in 2016. Cheryl’s memory is a steel trap of wholesome interpersonal data, and she uses it all in the service of care.
She thrives on harmony. If someone’s upset at a dinner party, Cheryl notices first. She’ll refill your drink, lower her voice, and whisper, “Do we need to go talk in the bathroom real quick?” It’s not that she’s nosy—it’s that she genuinely wants everyone to be okay. Emotionally okay. Socially okay. Decor-wise okay.
Of course, Cheryl has her flaws. She’s a little... intense. Sometimes pushy. Occasionally smothers you with love so thoroughly it feels like being hugged by a sentient blanket made of obligations. She means well. And she doesn’t understand why you don’t want to RSVP right now. She already made the group chat. The spreadsheet is color-coded.
But beneath all the glitter, Cheryl is solid. Dependable. Generous to the point of exhaustion. And while she’s usually too busy making things nice to process her own feelings, if you ever ask her how she’s doing... she’ll probably cry into a tray of cupcakes and then thank you for noticing.
She is not cool. She is not edgy. She is not mysterious. She is beloved. And you will leave her presence with a party favor, a personal affirmation, and three new friends you didn’t know you needed.